East Side

I realize I’ve promised time and time again, to not let large amounts of time pass in between blog entries and it’s now been over 6 months since my last addition to what will one day, surely be viewed upon as literary genius. I’m going to catch you up on the last 6 months of my life in a matter of a few paragraphs and you’ll hunger for more when I’m done. Either that or you’ll realize that hunger is because you haven’t eaten since breakfast and you’ll grab a hoagie.

In the past 6 months a lot has happened:
New job
New living situation in a new part of the county
And many new adventures…..

First, my new job; I’m still working for the same company but now in a different capacity. Some would call it a promotion, while I see it as one step closer to my corner office adjacent to Oprah Winfrey (the unconfirmed leader of the Free World). However I ended up in this role, I’m very grateful and in my first full year, my business plan is as follows:

1. Don’t screw up
2. Don’t piss anyone off
3. Most importantly, locate all the nearest bathrooms

If you know me and my ‘situation’, you’ll understand why number three is most important. And if not, use your imagination and look for my case study on WebMD.

As far as my living situation, I moved to Hoboken, NJ, which happens to be 10 minutes from Manhattan. I’ve got a beautiful view of the skyline from my balcony and Dumper (my cat) and I have adjusted quite well to apartment living, save a few complaints/questions.
First things first, because it’s an apartment, there’s no backyard. I’m ok with this seeing as I have no kids to keep entertained but when the weather’s bad outside, the kids on my floor find it necessary to play tackle football/UFC/cowboys and Indians, or any game allowing them to make the loudest noise possible just outside my door. And when I poke my head into the hallway to ensure Charles Manson isn’t on a killing spree, their nanny’s look at me as if I’m the problem. If I wasn’t so scared of life on the East coast and the thought that EVERYONE is ‘connected’ in some shape or form, I’d say something. Moving on.

Another aspect of my building that takes getting used to is the pool situation. And I say situation because growing up in Southern California I always had a pool in my backyard. The first time I was introduced to the idea of a community pool was the cinematic masterpiece, The Sandlot. Here, boys of various ages maneuvered adolescence by playing baseball and trying to score with the hot lifeguard at the local pool. Well, my baseball playing-days are over and my lifeguard resembles a character from Jersey Shore, Director’s Cut. Nonetheless, I’m sure this dead ringer for the Melrose Place Pool will prove to be an endless well of blog-worthy material for months to come, and as soon as I get that tribal tattoo, blow out my hair, and lather on the self-tanner, I’ll join the masses. Until then, I’ll be the pasty, creepy guy in Apt. 526 with the binoculars.

I’ve done a fair amount of travelling over the first couple months of 2010 (Cabo, Miami, California, Minnesota, Chicago), but no destination stands out to me more so then Atlantic City. A fan (and major contributor to the gambling trade) of Las Vegas, I was looking forward to my first trip to AC. While Vegas has the glitz, glamour, showgirls, and nightlife that make it world famous, Atlantic City has…..outlets. Make no mistake, good outlets, but outlets nonetheless. I’ll always remember my weekend in AC, and I got a great deal on a pair of Ralph Lauren boxer/briefs to prove I was there. Thanks, AC, see you again when I’m 90.

The subway is a whole other ballgame. First, it’s hotter than Iraq in July on the subway platform and this makes the process of jockeying for position even more crucial. You see, everyone stands in a herd until the train pulls up, hoping to get that one cherished seat that doesn’t happen to be next to the tranny wearing a Jeter jersey. The whole process is very stressful and is reminiscent of trying to get a seat on a Southwest flight. The only difference is, with the subway, I end up a sweating, confused mess sitting next to a Yankee-loving RuPaul lookalike.

Finally, I will say that one of the coolest experiences about living near NYC is having access to some of the most amazing restaurants, museums, monuments, and diverse cultures in the world. In my 6 months, I’ve had life-changing experiences that I’ll one day share with my kids. I’ll just have to save the tranny stories for when they’re college-aged. I guess this is growing up!